Going vegan seems to be all the rage right now, and I totally get why. I 100% believe that going vegan is a great way to help the world, the animals and yourself so I am no way in this post trying to bash veganism or anything of that sort, I just want to share why I’m ultimately not going vegan despite the vegan recipes you will be seeing in the coming weeks because I do try to have at least one vegan meal every day.
Before I get into this post, I want to put a trigger warning and say that I will be talking about eating disorder related things in this post and if that may affect you in any negative way, please don’t read it! I know a lot of people hate trigger warnings but I feel they can be important when involving topics such as this one.
Okay, so now lets get into the post. I’m nervous to write this so I can imagine how nervous I’m going to be to actually post this! I want to start by talking about eleven year old me. Eleven year old Dana had just moved to Denmark with her family and started a new school. I felt very isolated from everyone in school since I didn’t seem to have anything in common with anyone, we didn’t even speak the same language! As I got more and more depressed from the isolation I was feeling, I started to really hate my body as though me being fat was the reason people didn’t talk to me, so I decided to do something about it.
I tried to stop eating completely but couldn’t manage it so when I did eat, I would purge immediately afterwards. I was very involved in ‘pro-ana’ websites and forums so I began to form a diet based on what older girls said I should and shouldn’t eat. I stayed away from bread and meat, anything with sugar in it. This continued up until I was 15 when I was eating only one meal a day, which was a single egg scrambled with mixed herbs or a single packet of noodles.
I lost a lot of weight but I was still definitely considered over-weight and was therefore never diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder, meaning that I don’t really feel comfortable with classing what I experienced as ‘having an eating disorder’, though I think its fairly clear that that is exactly what I had.
Even after moving back to the UK and beginning to have friends again I constantly monitored what I was eating, counting calories and having certain foods that were strictly out of bounds. It didn’t really stop until I moved into my first flat with my boyfriend at seventeen and began to eat normally, and then unhealthily again.
Because of what I went through in the past, I find it very difficult to cope with cutting out foods, such as animal products to go vegan, without becoming really obsessed with it. I have attempted going vegan several times and each time I revert to obsessively counting calories and refusing to eat anything that isn’t a fresh fruit or vegetable, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing if not for the fact that I seem to consider an apple and a raw carrot to be sufficient food for a day while I’m like this.
That means that for me, veganism, is a really unhealthy way to live. I hope in the future I am able to come past this block to really become vegan due to the hundreds of reasons out there to go vegan (that means you should go vegan if you can!). I know that veganism has ‘cured’ peoples eating disorders, or at the very least helped them, but for me it seems to do the exact opposite and though I hate that I’m contributing to the deaths of animal and everything that comes with it, I just can’t allow myself to slip back into that calorie-counting, food-obsessed and very, very depressed teenager.
If any vegans are reading this, I hope you understand why I do what I do and don’t attack me in the comments, I’m sure it must be annoying to see so many ‘excuses’ against becoming vegan but I feel that its up to me to keep my mind and body as healthy as I can. To any non-vegans reading this, I would say that you should look into veganism, it’s really a great way to live and helps the planet in so many ways!
-Dana
Carry on Beautiful! 
This is really a great post. I’m sorry that you’ve went through what you have with your eating disorders! One thing I’d say is that nothing about veganism has anything to do with calorie counting or dieting, it’s all about loving yourself, the planet and other non-human animals and treating all of the above with the upmost respect. I’ve got some recipes on my blog that are made from plant foods, and although I’ve never thought to check, they’re probably low-calorie because they’re homemade and made completely from veggies and beans. Check them out if you ever fancy trying out more plant-based foods or are interested in a nourishing diet! Sending you positive vibes x
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I completely understand your reasons for not going vegan. Out of interest, are you a vegetarian?
(I never knew you lived in Denmark!)
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I’m not, I was for two years but my boyfriend is a very ‘meat and potatoes’ kind of guy and once we met I just sort of fell back into eating meat
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Ah I see. I’m also of that ilk.
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“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ~ Arthur Ashe
Being thoughtful of others — especially those exploited and tortured daily for our food pleasure habits alone — is a good start to feeling GOOD about oneself. I cannot speak to an eating disorder, but I can say that your conscience will go a long way toward what it is you CAN do. I’m guessing you wouldn’t actively participate in the death or cruelty on another, so just keep that in your thoughts as you consume others. But…you must help yourself first before you can help any other. Best of life to you, vegan or no!
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