On Not ‘Connecting’

Just over three years ago, I met Rich. We had that instant ‘connection’, not in a love at first sight way, just in a ‘we get along really well and want to have conversations about similar things’ way. From him I also met my best friend who I also had an instant ‘connection’ with because she pretty much just deals with my weird Facebook messages without calling me out for them, and she’s funny.

That was over two years ago now though, and in that time I don’t feel like I’ve managed to meet anyone else that I had an instant connection with and I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot lately. Thats not to say I haven’t met people I enjoy talking to because I have. I’ve met lots of really lovely people that I like a lot and really love talking to but none of them have had that instant connection with me.

It’s kind of weird, and I think thats why its been at the forefront of my mind so often recently. Through out my life I’ve always had at least one or two people around me that I’ve had an instant, strong connection with and I’ve just sort of lost that. I never had lots of friends but I always had enough good ones that I didn’t feel any sort of awkwardness around that it didn’t matter that there weren’t a lot of them.

Of course, I still have some great friends, its just that none of them live any where near me and I don’t get to see them a lot, and with Richard working full time it means I have a lot of time on my own to spend feeling lonely. I know the answer to this whole thing is ‘Well make some new friends!’ but I think we all know that is much easier said than done.

Now that I’m not in school, college or a job I don’t really get to meet anyone new. I’ve met a few of Richards work friends and though they’re all lovely, I’m yet to have that connection we’ve been talking about with any of them. I think part of it is that I’m at an awkward age. I turn 20 at the end of March so I’m at this sort of teeter-totter period between not feeling comfortable talking to younger teens since, no offence to them, many of them are much more immature than me and tend to not really understand my life experiences, but I feel like to the ‘real adults’ I’m just a kid.

I don’t have any issues with people who are married with kids, but theres not really much for me to relate to there! My time seems to constantly vary between ‘I’m a real adult oh god’ and ‘I’m literally a child take me back to the play pen’.

I’m going to leave it there before I ramble on for hours, but if you have any thoughts please do comment them!

-Dana

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