Relationships are lovely, aren’t they? Being with someone you can be silly with, talk to endlessly about nothing and be close to is an amazing feeling, and if you’re lucky enough to spend time falling in love, there is no better way to spend your time. There are a lot of steps that a relationship takes; the first time you eat messy burgers or spaghetti in front of them is one. Knowing you’re about to get covered in sauce or meat and feeling totally comfortable with that is a big deal in a relationship. It shows you’re at a level of comfort that you may not have been at before.
It’s the same with the first time you leave a toothbrush in their apartment; you know you’ve been there a lot, they know you’ve been there a lot, and they’re totally cool with the extra toothbrush in the bathroom. To reach that level in a relationship could indicate that you are ready to move in together. You may not necessarily be ready for the commitment of buying a house, but there are plenty of signs that you are ready for the big step of moving in, and here they are:
- You see each other regularly. As in, you’re staying at his almost every night and you may as well have your clothes there. Seeing each other a lot is how you become comfortable together and that’s when you’ll know whether you can stand to see them and be in their space every single day.
- You’ve had THE TALK. Capital letters due to importance. The talk is the one where you build castles in the sky about your lives and you realise that you both want stability, marriage, maybe even a baby or two at some point. If you’re not on the same page about what you want from life, there’s really no point in stepping into the new home together when you’ll be moving out later on.
- You have had chats about money and how you manage it together. If one of you is a saver and the other a spender, it’s something to discuss before you go ahead and move into a rental!
- You can talk to each other about everything and anything. If you can’t trust them with your problems, how can you trust them not to wash red socks in with your white blouses? When you live together, repressing feelings just doesn’t work.
- You get on with each other’s families. Of course, you don’t need to gain the approval of anyone in your life to know that you want to be together, but it often helps to know that you have their support. It’s much easier to stay the course of a relationship when you love each other’s families.
- You know when to give each other space. Living together can be closed and claustrophobic if you’re not careful, especially after an argument. Trust me, you’ll have many of those when you live in the same house.
These reasons aren’t exhaustive but there is no point in booking appointments to go and view cutesy little bijou HDB flats if you can’t get through that list without smiling. Renting an apartment is completely different to the next step of buying a flat, but it’s going to depend on how long you have been together before you decide to go ahead and make a purchase.
A rental is easier to back out of, but a mortgage? Not so easy. Buying a home with a partner is probably one of the biggest steps you can take in your relationship. You’re making the choice to sign on the dotted line and pile money into a house or apartment that you both love; it’s a huge commitment. Signing on for a mortgage is basically your statement to the world that you are making a step toward to cementing your relationship. It’s a step that most people only dream of having, never mind taking it with a partner that they love with all their hearts. You could be living together, engaged or even married but a bigger step than most of these is to buy a home. It’s not just bingeing on Pinterest and trawling through Home & Garden for interior styling ideas, unfortunately.
It’s a massive financial commitment, to buy a home, and while you may be committed to each other, it’s easy to walk away from a relationship – well, not easy in terms of emotions, but legally. The searching and buying process of buying a house can put a lot of stress on a relationship, and the honest truth is that if you can’t keep each other up during the stresses of houses falling through, mortgages being queried and possibly refused and even saving for a deposit, then you can’t be ready for a home purchase.
There are some signs that can tell you whether you are ready to put away the monthly rent book and start hunting for a forever home, and below I’ve listed some of the signs that it could be your time to go forth and buy the nest!
Couples Together Longer Are More Ready
If you are a new couple, buying a home could be way off for you. Unless, of course, you’re one of those impulsive couples that want to go ahead and purchase a home before you’ve actually rented together. The process of buying a house is the hardest on new couples. The relationship is still new and you’re still discovering things about each other. If you are a long-term couple who have lived together before, then a purchase is natural progression. You’re used to the arguments about who changed the toilet roll over on the holder and whose turn it is to clear the shower drain. Couples who have been together longer are less likely to fight over the type of house. You would already have had some of those long and dreamy conversations about what you want from life, so there’s not going to be any surprises for him when you tell him you want a conservatory on the ‘must have’ list.
Fear Of Debt Is Real
Buying a house is a huge deal, we’ve said this over and over. You’re not just getting a set of keys and a pretty garden; you’re saving a great deal of money and making a solid investment in your future. You are saying that you are committed to this house, this person in your life and you are saying that you are willing to take on hundreds of pounds worth of debt with them to shoulder it together. You have to accept that it’s normal to argue during the buying process, even disagreeing over how much of a deposit to save is common. You are building a future together as a pair, and this includes investing in your future. You’re not doing it as single people hoping to one day have a house and a family. Purchasing a home is your way of saying you’re ready for that big step and even if that means shouldering the burden of debt, you’re willing to do that together.
Compromise – It’s The Key
Home ownership is not just about going through a huge process butting heads. Women and men have very different ideas about what they want for a home and you both may have completely different dreams. He may want to live in the sticks and you might want a city home so you’re not isolated. The issue will be to compromise and perhaps have a look at a village; in the countryside, but not without people and shops to visit. You get the best of both worlds. You both should sit together and create a list of things that you absolutely must have in your home and the things that you can live without. Make it a fun conversation over dinner and work out how much you both would be willing to bend for each other to be able to give the other their dream home. It’s surprising how much you’d be willing to compromise for each other, and that’s the goal.
Stability
Lastly, the biggest sign that you are ready to sign on the dotted line for your mortgage is that you are stable. You need to know that you aren’t going to each run from the stresses ahead of you, that you can weather the storm together. Buying a house is not easy and it can be a frustratingly long process. If you can keep up the positivity and excitement knowing that at the end of the process you’re going to have a piece of the world that belongs to you both, you’re going to be just fine.
There’s never going to be a right time to buy a house – there will always be a reason to spend the money that you’ve spent time saving. However, to make a dream come true, you’ve got to save for it, right? Go forth and penny pinch, for the world is your oyster.
-Dana
Carry on Beautiful! 