I had a few people in the last few months that apologised to me for things that happened a while ago, and it really got me thinking about forgiveness and moving on from situations where you were hurt while not being in the wrong. I’ve been in plenty of fall outs and shitty situations where I’ve been the person in the wrong entirely or partially and I’ve always found it a lot easier to move on from those than those where I wasn’t to blame but still got hurt.
I think a big step to forgiving people is really analysing the situation. Figure out why you were hurt, upset etc., what you or the people involved did wrong and really make sure you understand exactly what went down and why. Once I’ve done that I can usually better understand why people acted how they did and easier forgive their behaviour.
I feel like once I’ve done that I’m able to box it off a bit, but when you can’t figure it all out and understand everything it can be extra upsetting and shitty, sometimes we just have to box off a situation we don’t understand as being exactly that and let it stay as that. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you accept that person or those people back into your life, it just lets you not have to carry whatever you had to forgive with you and makes life a lot easier.
For me, a big step of forgiveness is always letting the people just be. Maybe their boyfriend still watches your Instagram story (we’ve all been there) or maybe you still see them every now and again on the train, learn to just see them as another stranger. If you’re not looking at them as the big bad monster (even if they kinda are) it’s a lot easier to forgive them and not giving them any attention let’s however they may feel towards you be their problem. That can inconvenience their life all it wants but it doesn’t have to touch yours!
Finally, sometimes you just have to accept that not everyone has to be forgiven and you can still move past the situation without having to hold a full grudge against them. There are a fair few people I’ve had in my life that I never even want to have a conversation with again never mind any type of relationship, and I’ve just accepted that. They hurt me, they did things that I don’t think are forgivable and I don’t let those people take up space in my brain or feelings that could be put to much better use. Not everyone deserves to be forgiven, but you deserve to go through life without carrying the weight of that negativity.