It’s been quite a while since I last shared any info about my mental health, mostly because up until recently, I was doing really well. All the years of trying to change my though process into a more positive one, and learning ways to cope with my anxiety, had started to show themselves by making my everyday life that bit easier.
And then the pandemic hit.
I’m very, very, very lucky to have, so far, no one in my life get ill, but it’s still a big worry. Throw on top of that the loss of every normal routine I’ve built, from going to the gym or work, to just getting some shopping from Tesco, you can imagine my anxiety is all over the place.
I feel bad talking about my mental health, and how I feel, when everything that’s going on is going on, but I think most of us are feeling wobbly at best, and I feel much better knowing I’m not the only one, so I thought maybe someone might feel that way from me talking about myself a bit. Plus, it’s good to get this kind of thing of your chest!
The worst part of things right now, for me, is the way it takes forever just to get through the day, and then once you’ve done that it’s some how been a whole week and you haven’t done anything? I’m trying so hard to use this time to work on stuff, both for work and for myself, and I’m just finding it so hard to get up and do something.
There’s also the fact that it just feels like there’s nothing to look forward to. The gigs I have tickets to are probably going to be cancelled or refunded, and I understand why and agree with the decision, but it still sucks. No travel is going to be happening, the promotion Rich was about to get has been postponed, all the events we were going into have in work have been postponed.
A few years ago I would have loved to have everything just stop for a bit, I said that all the time, and though I obviously still wouldn’t have been anything but saddened and worried about the situation happening, it would have given me time to sort myself out like I was constantly trying. Now it’s just a really frustrating delay to the life I worked really fucking hard for. I’m not saying it’s the perfect or easiest life, but I’d finally gotten to a point where I woke up in the morning looking forward to my day.
I’m so aware that things could be worse, people are literally dying and I’m so fortunate to have those close to me safe and healthy, but it’s that age old thing of ‘just because it’s not as bad as it could be, doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck’, and I think it’s good for my mental health to check in and acknowledge what’s not going right as well as all the positive good stuff.
I hope you’re doing as well as you can as well, and that those close to you are staying safe. If anyone’s struggling with things right now and wants a chat, you’re always welcome to message me on any social media! I really appreciate you all reading my weird little blog and I’d never pass up a chance to get to know you better!