Would you believe this is one of the posts I’m most excited to ever write? I’ve started therapy! Finally! If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know I’ve struggled with my mental health for over a decade now. I’ve had school counselling, which sucked, several rounds of CBT, which didn’t help, and more meds than I even remember the names of, none of which worked for me personally, though I’m definitely not against meds for mental health in general.
Through out all of that, I’ve told the NHS and everyone I’ve been reffered to, repeatedly, that I think some kind of talking therapy would work best for me, because I do think the majority of my mental health issues have a root, and are not a chemical imbalance, hence why meds never helped me.
An organisation local to me posted on twitter that they were offering some free therapy sessions because of everything going on, and I decided to go for it. I’ve done this a few times with various organisations and charities, and its always ended up being CBT, so I didn’t have much hope, but thought I may as well give it a go.
My first session was on Thursday, and im more than glad I decided to give it a go. I’m talking with a psychotherapist, which is what I wanted all along, and even just in the first session I had what I’d essentially call an epiphany about a big thing.
My therapist is lovely, and I felt really comfortable with her from the start, even though its of course having to happen over the phone or on zoom. I’m so relieved that the thing I thought would help is already helping from the very start, not because I was ‘right’, but because it means I might finally get some control over my anxiety and other mental health crap.
With all that said though, it’s hard. It really took a lot out of me mentally to be totally honest, both with her and myself, and although I feel all the better for it, it’s definitely not going to be easy.
I have another 5 sessions to go, though I will be able to add more if I need them. I’m nervous about them, if I’m totally honest, but I’m looking forward to them as well.
I feel like we’re living in a time where we hear a lot of people talking about how everyone should see a therapist, and I agree with the sentiment, but it’s taken me well over 7 YEARS to get to the point of being able to have any, and though we talk about therapy as a thing you can do, we never talk about its like. So, maybe that’s something I’ll post more about in future?
For now though, I’m feeling hopeful at least!